Thursday, December 2, 2010

Tick Tock

One hour in and we are awaiting our first update. The anesthesiologist came to take Aurelia at about 1:45 and we said our goodbyes. I loathe having to let our little one go like that, wheeled away on her back on a harsh gurney. We both cried.

I am terribly nervous about this surgery for some reason. I don't know if it's because they are doing so many things at once or if it's because I fear that sooner or later Aurelia's strength will fail her, or maybe it's guilt for thinking that my baby girl's will to fight might wane sooner or later.

This was a hard week for me at home, even though I stayed in Gettysburg for only two days. I dreaded coming back because of how nervous I am about this surgery. Even normal routines like eating lunch with my colleagues took a hit as I muddled through the week. I can't explain it yet, and I know I'll be proven wrong when the surgeon comes in to update us on Aurelia's progress, but I just want this to be over and for our girl to be in the intensive care unit recovering.

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